Tuesday, June 15, 2010

High School: Some things never change

Last weekend I caught up with fellow DHS graduates from the classes of 86-88 at a local watering hole. Had a great time, drank a ton of beer (followed by liquor) and survived to tell the tale.

For my DHS compatriots who were unable to attend, here's a small sampling of the best quotes of the evening.  Note: As expected, these quotes are not intended for the easily offended.  You know who you are.  Also as expected, the best quotes didn't come from me.

“Where are the hot chicks who dig fat, bald, broke guys?”

“She looks exactly the same. Only louder.”

“Apparently wearing both of your shoes at the same time is overrated. At least his purse matches.”

“Is this the right party? I don’t remember any of these people.”


“This band is awesome. Until you look at them.”

"That guy just got his ass kicked by a bar stool."

“Give him a minute to collect himself. That cute waitress just told him that he reminds her of her father.”

“You need to stay off the Internet.”

“Who was tha…..OH SHIT! Now I remember her. Jesus!”

“Wait a minute. That guy is black….and that guy is black. But I only remember one black guy in school. Are they brothers? I mean, obviously they’re ‘brothers’, but are they related?”

“Getting married really cut down on my ability to score.”

“I was gonna wear my ‘I crapped my pants’ shirt, but it didn’t fit.”

“I don’t know why he keeps looking at her ass. I have two perfectly good asses right here.”

“Some days you’re the perfect combination of self-righteous and judgmental.”

“You just moved right to the top of the ‘most likely to piss in the sock drawer’ list.”

“You were on the dance floor, but I wouldn’t call it ‘dancing’.”

“She’s not here tonight. Apparently she has a life.”

“I just totally farted in your car. Sorry.”