Recently heard in my household:
Jeff: Did you get a new purse in the mail today?
LAB: Of course it's new. Who would want a used purse?
Jeff: That's not what I meant. Who's buying you purses?
LAB: I bought it for myself. They didn't have one in the store, so the sales lady had one shipped to me.
Jeff: But it's gift wrapped.
LAB: Gift wrapping was free.
Jeff: You had a purse gift wrapped and shipped to yourself?
LAB: I had a gift card enclosed, too.
Jeff: Oh, Jesus. Hand it to me.
LAB: *hands over card*
Jeff: *reading* "I hope you enjoy this as much as I think you will". You wrote yourself a damn gift card?
LAB: Also free.
Jeff: What did the cashier in the store say when you told her what to put on the card?
LAB: She said I was a genius with a great sense of humor. Seems you're the only person who disagrees.
Wait till he sees what I put on the gift card for the boots being delivered next week.