I had the worst nightmare last night. Worst, worst. And that's saying something since I have very vivid dreams. Probably the result of having two X-chromosomes and an open mind.
I dreamed that Jeff met a girl named Jocelyn and they decided to move away together. He thought the best way to tell me was to take me on a road trip to a car show and tell me on the way there. We were driving through an old civil-war-era city in which all the buildings were red brick and I jumped out of the car to hide from him so he couldn't finish telling me. He started driving around a roundabout that went around a park looking for me and I was hiding behind giant Oak trees and brick columns so he couldn't find me. Eventually he drove away. When I got home, I didn't want to tell my parents that Jeff left me so I hid it from them and they never found out. Then my alarm went off.
You know how you have a dream and when you first wake up you aren't sure if it's real or not? That was how I felt today. I was happy my parents weren't dead but I lost my man in exchange. Crap!
You guys have probably figured out by now that I'm pretty devoted to my Jeff. I'm aware that nobody is less deserving of a happy marriage than I am, but screw it. I won him fair & square and I'm keeping him. And I'll cut a bitch who tries to steal him away. OK....not really. I don't do that anymore. Because I'm a lady. And I have people to do those things for me now.
So Jeff got home from work this morning at 7:15 and I told him about my dream while he was brushing his teeth before he went to bed. Our best conversations occur when he can't speak. I told him how I was still shaken up by the dream because it seemed so real.
His response? "Was she hot?"
Whatever. I'm over it. I heard Rico Suave on the radio in the car this morning, so I'm pretty sure everything will be OK. Gerardo, baby! Plus, my hair is super straight and I really like my work outfit. Classic, but stylish. Kind of like Heavy Audrey Hepburn. Just go with it, people. It's a good look for me. I think that's what I'll name my style from now on: Fat Audrey Hepburn. I'm getting a trademark on that, so don't even think about stealing it.
In other marriage news, last weekend I made the mistake of asking Jeff what my Dad said when Jeff asked him if he could marry me:
LAB: Yep. I want to know what he said.
Jeff: No, that's what he said: Seriously?
And you people wonder what's wrong with me.