This year started out so well. It really did! But it didn’t take long for things to take a sharp left turn and spiral quickly toward the gutter. As usual.
I rang in 2012 as the Designated Driver on the way home from watching my beloved Auburn Tigers kick some butt in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl on New Year’s Eve. That’s right: other people actually entrusted me with the responsibility of getting everyone home safely. And by "other people", I mean my brother. Who, by the way, was so completely shitfaced that he accused a woman wearing blue flashing novelty glasses of trying to pull him over for "walking under the influence" and then handed his phone to a homeless person and asked him to take a picture of us posing with a stadium trash can. Haven’t seen the picture yet, but I’ll be sure to share it once I do. I’m sure it’s quite tasteful.
So how did I go from responsible driver on Jan 1 to recipient of a tetanus shot, two bouts of different antibiotics for unrelated injuries, five stitches, and being the idiot whose friends have to steal her car keys from her purse and then force her into their car Patty Hearst-style to prevent her from driving drunk by Jan 30? It defies explanation, although the Margarita Machine that Jeff gave me for Christmas is a contributing factor.
In my defense, the car keys situation was an isolated incident - I’m normally very cautious about getting behind the wheel. I should have realized that it’s none too smart to spend a few hours in a bar immediately after attending the funeral for a high school friend, five days after the anniversary of my Mother’s death and six months after I lost my Dad. Combine that with a group of high school friends sending drink after drink my way (vodka with a splash of cranberry, anyone?), and it’s the perfect recipe for bad decisions. And I’ll never live down the fact that FRT was the responsible party in this situation (well, Mrs. FRT, actually). When FRT tells you you’re too drunk...you’re way past the point of no return. I should have known better.
The stitches, tetanus shot & antibiotics, however, are all on me (compliments of the aforementioned Margarita Machine). I make no excuses.