Friday, April 1, 2011

University Smackdown

I was going to post another April Fool's entry today, but due to the hilariously negative reaction I got from some of you crybabies regarding my April 1 pregnancy post last year, I reconsidered.  So no hi-jinks from me today.  I'll just write the same old crap.  You're welcome.

Jeff told me about a couple of months ago that he thinks he should bite the bullet and finally finish his college degree (he's a few credits shy of finishing).  I'm all for it, but when he told me that he decided to apply to Georgia State University since it's near his office, I had to warn him to gear up for battle because he'll be getting a boatload more than he bargained for.

I attended GSU for one semester during my Internship in Atlanta while I was a student at Auburn and I also took a handful of post-graduate courses there a few years ago.  And that school put me through the absolute wringer.  Repeatedly.

Don't get me wrong - GSU is a great school (especially the School of Business), but they laid the smack down on me like nobody's business.  I'll give you a quick example: halfway through a semester (for which I had already paid  and was faithfully attending each class)  I received a letter stating that my enrollment had been canceled due to "immunization issues".

That's right: my histological history had been sufficient to get me through all four years of school and graduation at Auburn, as well as a year of graduate school at UNC-Charlotte (which sadly did not result in a degree), but as far as GSU was concerned I was right off the rubber raft from a third-world country and I needed to be thoroughly scrubbed and possibly deloused.

They specifically wanted me to get a measles shot, although I could prove that I had been fully-immunized as a child and that I underwent a second round of shots during the measles epidemic at Auburn in the 80's (remember that one AU pals?).  Didn't matter.  They wouldn't let me back on campus until I went to *their* medical office to get re-immunized (do I smell a university money-making conspiracy here?).  I checked with my doctor to make sure another round of measles shots wouldn't do me any harm and I got the damn shot.  I don't remember how much it cost, but the whole thing left a really bad taste in my mouth.  And my arm hurt, too.

I could go on for paragraphs about the real (and perceived) slights heaped on me by GSU, but today's post is about Jeff's experience - before he even takes his first class.

Jeff sent in his application and his transcripts from the colleges he has already attended and he received a provisional acceptance letter that said before he could enroll he needed to take a standardized test to assess his "reading, writing and mathematics" skills.  You read that correctly.  Jeff, who has already earned an Associate's Degree, who has lived in Europe and Central America and can communicate effectively in three languages, who works in a high-pressure job with a large staff, and who is substantially smarter than I'll ever be, is being asked by GSU to participate in the standardized test version of "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader".  I know it's all kinds of wrong, but I find this hilarious.  Jeff?  Not so much.

The best part?  The letter was addressed to "Dear Non-Traditional Student".  What. The. Hell.  I guess being in a professional male in your 40's lumps you in with students who are non-English speakers or GED recipients or whoever else gets this treatment.

And it's not like he can just show up and take the stupid test.  He's going to have to buy the study materials to get a refresher course in all that crap you learn in high school and never use again (hello, Calculus!).  I find this even more hilarious.  I really am a crappy wife.

Jeff read the letter and said "What the hell do they want from me?"  They want to break you down and steal your soul, babe.  Trust me on this one.


  1. I think most colleges try to find a way to force people to go one more semester just to squeeze a little more money out of 'em. I'm sure once he gets there they'll be like "Oh, there are 17 different prerequisite classes that you need to take before you can take the classes you want."

  2. GSU treated me like crap (especially compared to Auburn). I forgot to mention that when I got my grade report from them one semester they gave me an "F" for a class I earned an "A" in. It was hell getting it changed! I'm sure he'll get more of the same!