Thursday, March 31, 2011

Big Dog, Dumb People

An Open Letter to people who think that the fact that I have a large dog means I want to hear their idiotic opinions when I’m walking him (and believe me, I don’t).

Dear Morons:

I thought today would be a great time to address all of your asinine questions and comments at one time.  Here you go.
  1. No, Boomer is not a horse.  No, I don’t ride him.  No, he doesn’t have a saddle.
  2.  It most certainly does *not* look like Boomer is walking me.  He’s very gentle and walks on a loose leash, which in the dog world means he doesn’t pull.
  3. Are you really asking me about his poop?  I can save you some if you’d like.  I’ll leave it on your front porch later tonight.
  4. No, he doesn’t bite.   Do you think we’d be standing this close to you if he did?
  5. No, he doesn’t participate in dog fights (seriously!?!?).
  6. I bathe him with the hose, like I would any other dog.
  7. No, you may not borrow him for the weekend to impregnate your dog.  First of all, he’s neutered.  Secondly, what the hell is wrong with you?
  8. He eats dog food.  Because he’s a dog.
  9. Again with the poop?  Why the interest?
  10. He sleeps in a dog bed.  You know he’s a dog, right?
  11. No, I don’t “fold him up” to put him in the car.  He fits in the car the same way a 135-pound person would.  He puts his butt on the seat and his feet on the floorboard.      
  12. Thank you for pointing out that both my dogs appear to be “full breed” and that I should have rescued a dog instead of getting them from a breeder.  You are a judgmental jackass.  Both dogs came from rescue groups.  Any breed of dog can end up homeless, even Dalmatians and Great Danes.
  13. Yes I am aware the Great Danes can have health issues.  They can also live well over 10 years if given proper care.  Thanks for telling me that death is imminent for my dog.  You are a delightful person.  I bet you’re all kinds of fun at a party.
I hope I've cleared up all your thought provoking, intelligent questions.  I'd also like to give a shout out to all the awesome people (who are not morons with asinine comments) that I've met when I'm out walking Boomer and Marley.  You guys ROCK and I'm glad to know you!



Love ya, Boomer Boy!  Good Dog!

And just to give equal time to my girl Marley:


  1. Damn that's a big ol much does that thing poop?

    ; )

    precious little ones, they are.

  2. @Annabelle: *snicker* In all honesty, he poops a ton (but I think people should know that just by looking at him)!

  3. Can that dog dunk a basketball?

  4. @Hoss: He can jump higher than my head and he can fit a basketball in his mouth, so my answer is yes.