Friday, September 7, 2012

Monkeys v. Doorknob

Jeff was home this morning while I was getting ready for work, which almost never happens.  After watching me overflow the glass while pouring a Diet Coke, then roll around on the floor playing with the dogs, then trip and walk into the door frame, he said the following:

Jeff:  You're more of a disaster than usual in the morning.  It's like watching a bunch of monkeys trying to hump a door knob.
LAB:  Two things.  First of all, that's a quote blatantly stolen from the movie Dodgeball.  Second, thank you for providing me with my new personal motto.  "LAB:  Better than a bunch of monkeys trying to hump a doorknob".
Jeff:  You're welcome.  I think.

In other news, I found my first gray (American spelling, thank you very much) eyebrow last Saturday. What. The. Hell.  I was surprised, since I have very few gray hairs at all.  At 44 years old, I still have "virgin" hair.  No chemicals, no color.  I won the genetic lottery when I was born and I've been abusing it in every possible way ever since. You have to really be looking for the grays to even see them.  So I was somewhat shocked to have one in my eyebrows.  I plucked it and figured that would be the end of it.  Until this morning.  I found three, count 'em...three! more gray eyebrows.  Two on the right side, one on the left.  For some reason, I find them much more offensive than the ones in my hair.  If I keep plucking them, eventually I'll have bald patches in my eyebrows.  But if I pencil over them, I'm afraid I'll look like Cruella de Vil. What's a not so gently aging girl to do?

I'm trying to age gracefully.  I tried Botox last year.  Once. Didn't like it.  And Jeff, who I didn't tell I was going to try it, kept saying "Why do you always look surprised?" until it wore off.  I think it worked a little too well on me. It froze my forehead which was not a problem area for me quite efficiently, but the two tiny vertical lines between my eyebrows that I wanted to get rid of didn't disappear, they just got further apart.  Guess I'm destined to always  be #11.  Or Roman Numeral II.  Screw it!  May be the gray eyebrows will distract attention from the vertical lines.  I'm putting this in the win column.

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