I try not to post things that make Jeff look like anything less than the Superhero he is, although clearly I fail at this effort regularly. I wasn't even going to share this story, but Jeff assumed I already had and since he already gave me hell for it I'm pretty sure it's fair game now. So here it is.
Last week Jeff was working nights, which means he's less Superhero and more Grumpy Bastard. But I deal with it, because when you don't get married until you're 32 years old you tend to overlook the small stuff. It also meant that he slept all day on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and then left for work as soon as he woke up, which isn't exactly my idea of a fun, old-fashioned Holiday but at least he gets a paycheck.
When he finishes with a week of working nights, he usually elects to stay up all day following his last night of work to get back to a normal sleep schedule as quickly as possible. This means that a few times a month he's awake for 36 hours straight. His behavior at the end of this 36-hour period can be unpredictable (at best).
We were finally at the tail-end of last week's Grumpy Bastard 36-hour streak and he took a shower and got ready for bed. I was sitting in the den watching TV, assuming he was asleep, when he shot through the room wearing sweats and a jacket. Here's what transpired:
LAB: I thought you were in bed?
Jeff: I was, but the squirrels screwing in the gutters woke me up.
LAB: *blink* *blink*
Jeff: I could hear them. Screwing in the gutters.
Jeff: Screwing in the gutters.
LAB: How do you know they're screwing?
Jeff: I COULD HEAR THEM!
LAB: *blink* *blink* *then thinking about moans of squirrel ecstasy*
Jeff: I'm going out there to pull off the gutter guards.
LAB: In the dark? In the rain?
Jeff: Yep. Then they'll leave.
LAB: Are you messing with me?
Jeff: Squirrels. Screwing. Gutters.
At this point I had two choices: Tell him he was having a psychotic break and try to convince him to go back to bed, or let him go outside, get on a ladder in the rain, at 9 p.m., after no sleep for 36 hours and pull the gutter guards off the gutters.
I selected Option 2. Because at the time it was Jeff vs. the imaginary screwing squirrels, but if I had tried to intervene it would have been Jeff vs. the screwing squirrels and me. This is how you stay married, people.
He really did go outside and pull off the gutter guards. And I really did let him. Apologies to any squirrels who may have actually been screwing at the time. Guess they'll have to find another spot for their rodent relations. Apparently our gutters are off limits.