Marital Zingers

I don’t have much time today, so I thought I’d share some of the “Marital Zingers” delivered by Jeff this week.  And before you start thinking that I’m an abused wife, I should note that I was raised from birth on a steady diet of good-natured ribbing, and I’ve never spent more than five minutes with a guy who can’t both take it and dish it out. 

And so, without further delay, I give you the wisdom of my hubby of almost 10 years, Jeff:

“LAB, the problem with you is that you live your life on 8.5 and I, along with the rest of the world, prefer you at around 4 or 5.”

“You’re asking an awful lot from those spiky heels, aren’t you?  SHHHH!!! If you listen closely you can hear them screaming.”

“I don’t know why I’m wasting my time trying to reason with a woman who firmly believes that no family is complete until they adopt a 125-pound dog.”

“OK.  I can’t believe we’re covering this again, but the proper response when someone asks if they can drive through our yard is ‘NO’.  Nnnnnnnnnn.  Oooooooo.  Got it?  Practice in the mirror if you need to.”

“You think you’re Colonel Potter, but it’s pretty clear that you’re really Radar.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Are you about to tell another story about how smart & creative you are because you had an imaginary friend as a child?  Because I can’t take it.  Can’t. Take. It.”

“Didn’t you just get approved for overtime?  Go back to work.  Back to work!!!”

“Are you sitting there watching YouTube videos of dogs sledding?  Seriously?  Just for one day I’d like to live in your world.”

“I don’t know how one woman can leave so much hair in the tub and on the bathroom floor and not be completely bald.  It’s like some kind of self-renewing energy source.  You’re a freak of nature.”

“You do understand that sitting in a rocking chair with a glass of wine while watching ‘What Not to Wear’ reruns isn’t the highest and best use of your time, right?”

And, my personal favorite:  “You better not be blogging about this!”  God help me, I really do love that man!