Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Can't tell the difference between visage and vagina

I'll be the first to admit I'm not a baby person.  I adore toddlers & kids, but babies just aren't my thing.  I don't get all squishy when I see a newborn in a stroller or a babe-in-arms at the grocery store.  Sure they have that new-baby-smell, but that's only about 10% of the time.  The rest of the time babies smell like a cross between mildew and sewage - sickly sweet and mildly unpleasant.  The only good thing about babies is that when you put one down you can come back later and find it right where you left it.

Anyway, I saw my pregnant friend yesterday and she showed me a bunch of pictures from her ultrasound.  Ultrasound pictures look like abstract art to me: I know there's something there but I just can't make sense out of it.  I know enough about being a good friend to make an effort, so I looked through the pictures and then pointed to one that I thought was the face and said (in all sincerity) "oh, look at the sweet face!"

My friend gave me the "LAB, you're a moron" look and said "That's the crotch.  The doctor took a picture to show me that it's a girl."

Whatever, people.   I tried.


  1. then your friend's baby is going to be very popular with the boys, you know, because she looks like a vagina. The trouble is that all the girls will hate her and call her vagina face or pussy face or some other equally horrid name.

  2. Ha ha. I hate ultra sound pictures. I think they are super creepy.

  3. See, it's not enough that people shove their ugly, stinky babies in our faces, they have to shove their ultrasound pics in our faces too. It usually just looks like a blob to me.

  4. @FRT: I thought when men looked at women all they saw was a vagina anyway.

    @Amanda: Agreed!

    @Jay: Sometimes I think that doctors just make sh*t up when they outline things on the ultrasound. It was probably just an elbow or something.

  5. I've seen many u/s pictures in my day, and trust me when I say I can't tell what I'm looking at. When Thing 1 had her first u/s I swore (and still stand by it to this day) that there was an old man in a rocking chair looking at her. Seriously. I'll show you... oh, wait... never mind.