Thursday, March 17, 2011

Coalition Kryptonite

Holy Buckets, people.  Senate Bill 10 Passed!  You can thank me later.   If don't live in Georgia, SB 10 is the proposal to allow local communities to vote on whether to allow retail stores to sell alcohol on Sunday (and oh, baby, do I ever love a referendum!).  It's not a slam dunk - the bill still has to clear the House of Representatives and the Governor has to sign it (he has already said he'll sign), but it's looking like this is the year Georgia finally stops kowtowing to the Christian Coalition and starts recognizing citizen's rights. All of which will give us...the same rights that 47 other states have.  Thanks, GA Senate, for bringing us into the 19th Century.

Holy spitballs, I love GA Legislature Crossover Day almost as much as I love coconut vodka (well may be not almost as much, but you get the picture).  Kind of makes me wish that the House &Senate would only meet three times a year: Once to introduce bills, once for crossover day to vote, and once more to vote on bills that come over from the opposite chamber.  Imagine how much would get done!  No time for posturing or debate, just read the bill and vote.  Does debating ever change anyone's mind?  I think not.

I'm so hoping that the county in which I live decides to have Town Hall meetings to discuss the issue.  Because guess what I am?  Christian Coalition Kryptonite.  My friends, I'm identical to the majority of the members of the Christian Coalition in every way except one: my beliefs.  So when they show up all squeaky-clean and ready for battle, my squeaky-clean ass will be right there with a defense (or an offense, depending on which side you're on).

Don't believe me?  Take a look at this:

Granted, this was a handful of years ago, but have you ever seen a more all-American couple?  I'm wearing flannel and we're posing with a glass of sweet tea for Chrissakes!  Jeff looks like a televangelist and I'm all Stepford wife.

Here's a recent one (and apparently someone's been hitting the Cheeto's a little too hard lately):

Look at that, Christian Coalition:  We're the people who want to buy booze on Sunday.  There's nothing to fear from us!

So when my well-scrubbed, over-educated, professionally-dressed, sober (I can do it, I swear) ass steps up to the podium at the next Town Hall meeting, they're going to think I'm one of them - because according to the Christian Coalition only godless, thieving, baby-raping-sons-of-bitches would buy a bottle of Pinot Grigio on the Lord's Day.  Certainly not long-married, professional college graduates who live in the burbs!  Like, say, me for example.

And then I'll remind them that they can't protect their rights by infringing on mine.  If Sunday sales become legal in the county in which I live, they still have every right not to buy beer, wine or liquor.  It's a win-win.  You still have your rights, but now I have mine. 

Time to dust off my favorite adjective and say that the future for Sunday liquor sales in Georgia looks....awesome!


  1. "... it's looking like this is the year Georgia finally stops kowtowing to the Christian Coalition and starts recognizing citizen's rights."

    Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean sure, they gave on this, but they'll make it up to the Christian Coalition on other issues I'm sure. hahah

    And Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

  2. @Jay: You're probably right. Plenty more kowtowing opportunities in the Senate's future!

  3. Nothing says God Fearing, husband obeying, good girl like a pink sweater set and pearls.

    You could be our Trojan Horse.

  4. @Annabelle: I should have mentioned that I bought that outfit to wear to the Azalea Festival Garden Party in Wilmington, NC and that I don't normally dress like that. Pink ribbon waistbands and flowers in my hair aren't my everyday style, but it was fun to wear it once! Although the pearls are mine & they're real. Every Southern girl should have a set!

  5. Dude. You are totally gonna have them fooled!! I can't wait to be able to buy beer on Sunday! Hell yeah!

  6. as someone who lives 15 minutes from the Georgia state line in Tennessee, I want to thank you, and praise you, and bake you a 5 foot high cake! You are my idol now!

  7. @Rockabilly Gypsy: We can have beer, wine & cake on a SUNDAY!!!

  8. Love it! Thank you for all your efforts. You've made me (and pretty much only me in this town of non-drinkers) a very happy lady! Of course, your cake may be covered in leaves as it'll have to be delivered in the back of my truck, you know, due to it's height... but we can pick those leaves off and have at it! Cause wine goes with cake like birds go with bees... or something like that. I don't know, I'm drunk :-)